Flatfetgad is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, ill-tempered cow.

Flatfetgad created the solar system six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flatfetgad, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Flatfetgad, he will destroy your home galaxy.

Flatfetgad's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Flatfetgad's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not wear gray clothing.

3. Flatfetgad loves nematodes, so they must be respected.

4. Do not drink water in yellow rooms.

5. Do not keep four sharks in a large pit.