Vabbapmab is a god.

He takes the form of a small, unsympathetic crane.

Vabbapmab created dark energy five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vabbapmab, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Vabbapmab, he will turn you into a sheep.

Vabbapmab's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Vabbapmab's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Run away if five badgers approach from the west.

3. Never write about eukaryotes.

4. Never prepare gooseberries during spring.

5. Do not name children after tapirs.