Nellpannil is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, idiotic salamander.

Nellpannil created a top quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nellpannil, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Nellpannil, he will destroy your favourite planet.

Nellpannil's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Nellpannil's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of zinc.

3. Always make sure there are no dogs in a room before entering it.

4. Never jump in the presence of ants.

5. Never write about amino acids.