Yarttanjon is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, omnipotent bird.

Yarttanjon created matter nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Yarttanjon, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Yarttanjon, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Yarttanjon's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Yarttanjon's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Always make sure there are no dogs in a room before entering it.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Run away from indigo porpoises, for they are unholy.