Zagbosscumjon is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, all-powerful seal.

Zagbosscumjon created a strange quark three billion years ago.

If you believe in Zagbosscumjon, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Zagbosscumjon, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Zagbosscumjon's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Zagbosscumjon's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Never go into white rooms.

3. Always wear black.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Pray towards the north.