Vanzaktail is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, unjust dugong.

Vanzaktail created energy five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vanzaktail, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Vanzaktail, it will turn you into a blue tit.

Vanzaktail's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Vanzaktail's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from fawn sharks, for they are unholy.

2. Pray towards the west.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Never eat aubergines.

5. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.