Gessbessbum is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, unfair fish.

Gessbessbum created the planet Jupiter two years ago.

If you believe in Gessbessbum, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Gessbessbum, she will ignore you and hope you go away.

Gessbessbum's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Gessbessbum's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick turtles.

2. Always make sure there are no tortoises in a building before entering it.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Never think about the strong nuclear force.