Dosshincad is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, stupid unicorn.

Dosshincad created Europe three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dosshincad, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Dosshincad, it will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Dosshincad's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Dosshincad's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Erect nine titanium sculptures of Dosshincad on top of important buildings.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Never go into white rooms.