Bimkinved is a god.

It takes the form of an one thousand metre long, contented tapir.

Bimkinved created humanity nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bimkinved, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Bimkinved, it will turn you into a blue tit.

Bimkinved's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Bimkinved's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair mauve.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate mice.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Bimkinved loves tortoises, so they must be respected.