Tarplagkin is a god.

It takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, humane manatee.

Tarplagkin created an up quark seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Tarplagkin, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Tarplagkin, it will be mildly annoyed.

Tarplagkin's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Tarplagkin's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about quantum field theory near sharks while wearing black shirts and balancing seven platinum spheres on your face.

2. Do not shave your neck.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Never talk about quantum mechanics near dolphins while wearing green tights.

5. Never eat carrots.