Geptalvil Jencipstragwan is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, confident hyena.

Geptalvil Jencipstragwan created the cosmos six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Geptalvil Jencipstragwan, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Geptalvil Jencipstragwan, it will destroy your home solar system.

Geptalvil Jencipstragwan's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Geptalvil Jencipstragwan's Holy Commandments

1. Draw representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Never think about moons.

3. Never feed aubergines to great tits while wearing turquoise boots.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Never eat nuts.