Arnjipveen is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, witty narwhal.

Arnjipveen created silver twelve years ago.

If you believe in Arnjipveen, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Arnjipveen, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Arnjipveen's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Arnjipveen's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into pink rooms.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Never run in holy places.

5. Do not kill porpoises.