Bif is a god.

It takes the form of a two thousand metre long, slow dove.

Bif created a bottom quark seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bif, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Bif, it will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Bif's most sacred site is Kirumampakkam in India.

Bif's Holy Commandments

1. Always act with humility.

2. Never paint your chest white.

3. Monkeys are not to be trusted.

4. Do not count beyond three during ceremonies.

5. Do not fashion tools from platinum.