Kemgomzennabmitlad is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, tiresome capybara.

Kemgomzennabmitlad created the Cigar Galaxy nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kemgomzennabmitlad, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Kemgomzennabmitlad, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Kemgomzennabmitlad's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Kemgomzennabmitlad's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about special relativity.

2. You must love Kemgomzennabmitlad.

3. Never eat lentils.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Do not sing in public.