Barnyokwonxin is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, witty octopus.

Barnyokwonxin created the Small Magellanic Cloud five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Barnyokwonxin, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Barnyokwonxin, she will turn you into a goat.

Barnyokwonxin's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Barnyokwonxin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Always help rats in need.

3. Barnyokwonxin must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. You must never eat beans.