Yakquartgub is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, uncaring yak.

Yakquartgub created tapeworms three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yakquartgub, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Yakquartgub, she will turn you into a hamster.

Yakquartgub's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Yakquartgub's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about horizontal gene transfer.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Never talk about planets.

4. Do not shave your chest.

5. Feed all hungry sheep.