Armyarptalzed is a god.

He takes the form of an one thousand metre long, generous fly.

Armyarptalzed created a top quark nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Armyarptalzed, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Armyarptalzed, he will send minions to preach to you.

Armyarptalzed's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Armyarptalzed's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt doves.

2. Do not shave your face.

3. Do not drink water in turquoise rooms.

4. Do not trade with those who eat onions.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.