Timzancem is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, self-confident monkey.

Timzancem created humankind four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Timzancem, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Timzancem, it will make you grow a tail.

Timzancem's most sacred site is Inshas in Egypt.

Timzancem's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Never mix aubergines with oil.

3. Do not dye your hair orange.

4. Do not study nucleic acids on holy days.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.