Japhengan is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, awe-inspiring troll.

Japhengan created the Cigar Galaxy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Japhengan, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Japhengan, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Japhengan's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Japhengan's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your neck red.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate voles.

3. Always help hamsters in need.

4. Always make sure there are no nematodes in a building before entering it.

5. Japhengan must be the most important thing in your life.