Tofnabmit is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, bad-tempered fish.

Tofnabmit created carbon five billion years ago.

If you believe in Tofnabmit, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Tofnabmit, he will turn you into a goat.

Tofnabmit's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Tofnabmit's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from gray voles for they are unholy.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Never think about quantum field theory near tapirs while wearing violet tights and balancing eight platinum spheres on your hands.

4. Never talk about gravity.

5. Tofnabmit must be the most important thing in your life.