Tofnellyar is a god.

It takes the form of a large, selfish parrot.

Tofnellyar created a Higgs boson four billion years ago.

If you believe in Tofnellyar, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Tofnellyar, it will turn you into a worm.

Tofnellyar's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Tofnellyar's Holy Commandments

1. Always cleanse your hands after touching nickel.

2. Run away from gray dogs, for they are unholy.

3. Do not prepare coconuts while wearing scarves.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. You must never eat lemons.