Matstafweg is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, charitable salamander.

Matstafweg created a bottom quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Matstafweg, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Matstafweg, she will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Matstafweg's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Matstafweg's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Never write about dark matter.

3. Always look after injured turtles.

4. Always wear blue.

5. Worship no other gods but Matstafweg.