Kemtonpom Narltinloop is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, confident bear.

Kemtonpom Narltinloop created the Whirlpool Galaxy two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kemtonpom Narltinloop, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Kemtonpom Narltinloop, he will destroy your home planet.

Kemtonpom Narltinloop's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Kemtonpom Narltinloop's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about ants.

2. Never pray while filled with joy.

3. Ducks are not to be trusted.

4. Run away if five hamsters approach from the west.

5. Never look in ponds.