Kimcar is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, unselfish raccoon.

Kimcar created Mount Everest eight million years ago.

If you believe in Kimcar, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Kimcar, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Kimcar's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Kimcar's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill badgers.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Never think about dark matter near great tits while wearing indigo corsets and balancing six titanium spheres on your hands.

4. Do not take Kimcar's name in vain.

5. Voles are unholy and should not be approached.