Quartlarpjam is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, stupid wyvern.

Quartlarpjam created the cosmos three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quartlarpjam, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Quartlarpjam, she will turn you into a dog.

Quartlarpjam's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Quartlarpjam's Holy Commandments

1. Always wash your neck before prayer.

2. Run away from purple grasshopers, for they are unholy.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Never approach forests carrying wood.

5. Hide if six badgers approach from the south.