Bonkwatbankip is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, self-confident meerkat.

Bonkwatbankip created Europe two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bonkwatbankip, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Bonkwatbankip, she will boil you in a big pot.

Bonkwatbankip's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Bonkwatbankip's Holy Commandments

1. Erect three nickel sculptures of Bonkwatbankip on top of important buildings.

2. Erect a giant silver sculpture of Bonkwatbankip in the centre of the settlement.

3. Never skip near tapirs.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Never write about ribonucleic acid.