Bugjinkan Jopkemhogflis is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, tiresome deer.

Bugjinkan Jopkemhogflis created bats four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bugjinkan Jopkemhogflis, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Bugjinkan Jopkemhogflis, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Bugjinkan Jopkemhogflis' most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Bugjinkan Jopkemhogflis' Holy Commandments

1. Remain kneeling during prayer.

2. Never cross forests at dusk.

3. Never approach crossroads carrying wood.

4. Never think about optics near snails while wearing blue ear rings and balancing five tin spheres on your head.

5. Never pray while filled with pride.