Ditcen is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, fast mole.

Ditcen created tapeworms three billion years ago.

If you believe in Ditcen, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Ditcen, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Ditcen's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Ditcen's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never talk about chlorophyll.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Never go into pink rooms.