Timbopyat is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, deceitful tapir.

Timbopyat created humankind six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Timbopyat, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Timbopyat, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Timbopyat's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Timbopyat's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Timbopyat five times a day.

2. Never chant near sheep.

3. Never talk about stars.

4. Never talk about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

5. Do not dye your hair cyan.