Dad is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, ill-tempered seal.

Dad created a down quark six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dad, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Dad, she will turn you into a blue tit.

Dad's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Dad's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Never write about ultrasonics.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate badgers.