Vilfly Geddutponvoghakquart is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, narcissistic walrus.

Vilfly Geddutponvoghakquart created the cosmos five billion years ago.

If you believe in Vilfly Geddutponvoghakquart, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Vilfly Geddutponvoghakquart, he will come to you in dreams.

Vilfly Geddutponvoghakquart's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Vilfly Geddutponvoghakquart's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about aubergines.

2. Never think about dark energy near goats while wearing violet shoes and balancing eight silicon spheres on your arms.

3. Never gather three squirrels near wells.

4. Never mix garlic with oil.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.