Tarpyamsom is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, selfish shrew.

Tarpyamsom created the Whirlpool Galaxy twelve years ago.

If you believe in Tarpyamsom, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Tarpyamsom, it will make you grow a tail.

Tarpyamsom's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Tarpyamsom's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed tomatoes to tapirs while wearing stockings.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Tarpyamsom loves aardvarks, so they must be respected.

4. Never talk about dolphins.

5. Always take life seriously.