Flanboparf is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, unjust wombat.

Flanboparf created everything that exists seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flanboparf, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Flanboparf, it will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Flanboparf's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Flanboparf's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about evolution by means of natural selection.

2. Always make sure there are no shrews in a room before entering it.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Do not speak about tomatoes.

5. Do not chop down trees.