Fodquart Lampitmumcum is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, contented owl.

Fodquart Lampitmumcum created snails eight million years ago.

If you believe in Fodquart Lampitmumcum, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Fodquart Lampitmumcum, she will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Fodquart Lampitmumcum's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Fodquart Lampitmumcum's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Fodquart Lampitmumcum nine times a day.

2. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never talk about quantum mechanics near sheep while wearing turquoise tights.

5. Never think about gravity near bats while wearing green dresses and balancing five iron spheres on your head.