Xemwegtab is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, self-assured mongoose.

Xemwegtab created the planet Earth twelve years ago.

If you believe in Xemwegtab, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Xemwegtab, she will turn you into a mole.

Xemwegtab's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Xemwegtab's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed strawberries to badgers while wearing kilts.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Draw representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Never paint your neck orange.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.