Ruldonomin Wapflabmonsanbigcantin is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, wise badger.

Ruldonomin Wapflabmonsanbigcantin created humankind three million years ago.

If you believe in Ruldonomin Wapflabmonsanbigcantin, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Ruldonomin Wapflabmonsanbigcantin, he will destroy your home solar system.

Ruldonomin Wapflabmonsanbigcantin's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Ruldonomin Wapflabmonsanbigcantin's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about electromagnetism near hamsters while wearing pink scarves and balancing seven carbon spheres on your neck.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.