Tarphadpom is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, humorless hare.

Tarphadpom created a photon six million years ago.

If you believe in Tarphadpom, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Tarphadpom, he will send minions to preach to you.

Tarphadpom's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Tarphadpom's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed strawberries to dolphins while wearing blue scarves.

2. Never wear purple trousers.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never eat lentils.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.