Padpibminvag is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, stupid hyena.

Padpibminvag created an up quark nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Padpibminvag, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Padpibminvag, it will turn you into a small brown duck.

Padpibminvag's most sacred site is Ans in Denmark.

Padpibminvag's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Never talk about goats.

3. Erect a large nickel sculpture of Padpibminvag on top of all buildings.

4. Never write about black holes.

5. Do not cook food in pots.