Bassbetfas Nurtbomwig is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, proud spider.

Bassbetfas Nurtbomwig created the Andromeda Galaxy five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bassbetfas Nurtbomwig, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Bassbetfas Nurtbomwig, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Bassbetfas Nurtbomwig's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Bassbetfas Nurtbomwig's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Bassbetfas Nurtbomwig loves bats, so they must be respected.

3. Do not count beyond three during ceremonies.

4. Run away if eight porpoises approach from the west.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.