Hakpibjarnfumfigkemdog is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, benevolent octopus.

Hakpibjarnfumfigkemdog created an atom two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hakpibjarnfumfigkemdog, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Hakpibjarnfumfigkemdog, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Hakpibjarnfumfigkemdog's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Hakpibjarnfumfigkemdog's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Pray towards the south.

5. Do not hurt grasshopers.