Sitvolbem is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, proud deer.

Sitvolbem created the world three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Sitvolbem, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Sitvolbem, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Sitvolbem's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Sitvolbem's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt aardvarks.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Do not eat lentils.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Sitvolbem.