Kengutster is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, witty hyena.

Kengutster created humankind eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kengutster, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Kengutster, she will throw large rocks at you.

Kengutster's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Kengutster's Holy Commandments

1. Kengutster must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Always look after injured voles.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Do not dye your hair red.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.
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