Lopspagtomkap is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, tranquil walrus.

Lopspagtomkap created snails three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lopspagtomkap, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Lopspagtomkap, she will turn you into a mouse.

Lopspagtomkap's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Lopspagtomkap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Retreat if eight frogs approach from the north.

4. You must never eat gooseberries.

5. Run away from turquoise manatees, for they are unholy.