Fonquarttam is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, almighty badger.

Fonquarttam created gold six billion years ago.

If you believe in Fonquarttam, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Fonquarttam, she will turn you into a mole.

Fonquarttam's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Fonquarttam's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

2. Do not speak about beans.

3. Do not trade with those who eat wheat.

4. Never wear indigo ear rings on sacred days.

5. Never bounce in the presence of bats.