Linxemdagcutdub is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, loving goat.

Linxemdagcutdub created tapeworms six billion years ago.

If you believe in Linxemdagcutdub, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Linxemdagcutdub, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Linxemdagcutdub's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Linxemdagcutdub's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about dark matter near whales while wearing fawn shorts and balancing three lead spheres on your back.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Linxemdagcutdub.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Never mention eagles.

5. Never talk about photosynthesis.