Govfemfit is a god.

It takes the form of a large, dishonest faun.

Govfemfit created humankind nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Govfemfit, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Govfemfit, it will turn you into a small brown duck.

Govfemfit's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Govfemfit's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about ribonucleic acid.

2. You must love Govfemfit.

3. Whales are not to be trusted.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate aardvarks.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate monkeys.