Begyogvinflagnurt is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, humorless dog.

Begyogvinflagnurt created light eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Begyogvinflagnurt, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Begyogvinflagnurt, he will turn you into a mouse.

Begyogvinflagnurt's most sacred site is Kirumampakkam in India.

Begyogvinflagnurt's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Always help cats.

4. Never eat beans.

5. Never eat bark.