Arpmifcut is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, omnipotent mole.

Arpmifcut created the Tadpole Galaxy two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Arpmifcut, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Arpmifcut, it will turn you into a dog.

Arpmifcut's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Arpmifcut's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never talk about nebulae.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.