Fonwatcam is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, humane raccoon.

Fonwatcam created an atom seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fonwatcam, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Fonwatcam, he will ignore you.

Fonwatcam's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Fonwatcam's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured cats.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Never feed lots of bananas to turtles while wearing turquoise trousers.

4. Never talk about ants.

5. Always help swans.