Quatfonbonk is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, happy bat.

Quatfonbonk created a strange quark seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quatfonbonk, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Quatfonbonk, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Quatfonbonk's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Quatfonbonk's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Do not wear aluminium on your body.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of silver.

5. Never write about chlorophyll.