Gumlagquill Mintaf Tarpwittarstigyokmotgov is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, all-powerful otter.

Gumlagquill Mintaf Tarpwittarstigyokmotgov created Africa six million years ago.

If you believe in Gumlagquill Mintaf Tarpwittarstigyokmotgov, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Gumlagquill Mintaf Tarpwittarstigyokmotgov, it will denounce you as a heretic.

Gumlagquill Mintaf Tarpwittarstigyokmotgov's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Gumlagquill Mintaf Tarpwittarstigyokmotgov's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about oranges.

2. Hide from gray swans for they are unholy.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Gumlagquill Mintaf Tarpwittarstigyokmotgov loves monkeys, so they must be honoured.

5. Learn five new languages a year.